Feel The Pain But Don't Suffer

I was once got yelled at in front of many people. I forgot to bring this person's pen which I borrowed, and he screamed and calling me a lot of horrible words in front of my face.

It was really painful. But I decided not to make that experience to negatively affect me. I decided that it didn't weaken my confidence or self-esteem. I decided that it only toughen me up. And in less than an hour, I literally moved on and made my peace with what happened.

But back in my early age, a small rejection to play with a group of kids was already able to make me feel ostracized. Not only that it was painful, but for a long time I couldn't move on and suffered from the feeling of being unwanted.

OK. Now you know about those 2 experiences I've had, what's the point?

In both cases, it was a painful experience for me. But as painful as I felt when I was being yelled at, I wasn't exactly suffering from it. Yet that small rejection really made me suffer even long after the rejection itself.

How come? And what's the difference between feeling pain and suffering?

Pain is when someone pinch your arm, or you accidentally bump your head on something. You feel the pain when it happened, but in short time, you get over it and move on.

Suffering is when someone pinch your arm, but you continuously feel the pain because you keep telling yourself how unworthy you are, and that's why your teacher pinch you.

To feel pain is a one time thing. But to feel suffering is when you prolong and repeat that painful feeling by recreating it in your head.

I was suffering from that rejection because I didn't realize how I kept telling myself this story that I'm no good, that I'm not fun and people won't like who I am. As I continue to tell that lies to myself, I continuously recreate the pain. Hence, I was emotionally suffering.

But I didn't suffer at all when that guy screamed at my face in front of others. I didn't suffer because I DECIDED that the meaning of that moment is NOT that I'm weak or stupid or anything like it. I decided that the story and meaning I give of that moment is I was being toughen up and I'm becoming stronger from it.

Was it still painful? Yes, when it happened. But I didn't prolong the pain. Hence, I didn't suffer. In fact, I felt stronger because of it and that was great.

So if you're emotionally suffering from something, my dear readers, the first thing is to remember and be aware that:

Even if your pain was triggered by something or someone else, it can only be YOU who prolong the pain and made yourself suffer.

That alone may be a painful truth to admit. But once you do, you're already on your way to liberate yourself from the suffering.

Second, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1. What "story" have I been continuously telling myself that made me suffer like this?

2. What are the other stories or meaning could I actually give that could made it an empowering experience instead?

Third, really feel the truth of that new meaning you gave. Get emotional with that new meaning, and let that be the one you continuously repeat in your head from now on.

Now you know what to do. It's time to do what you know.

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Ali Abidin is the cofounder of I'm On My Way. He passionately enables people to maximize their impact through a transformational journey of discovering and living their life purpose. Jump here for more free resources from Ali.