I’m 56 and proud – and here’s what I know about women in their 50s
Photo: Claire Pepper
Now that I’m 56 (clocked up another birthday over the holidays; me and Michelle Obama would’ve been in the same year at school) and edging slowly towards a significant birthday, I’ve been thinking about ageing. A lot. When I started That’s Not My Age, 12 years ago this summer, I wanted to champion older women, prove that style has nothing to do with age and challenge the ridiculous and insulting notion that beyond midlife, women become invisible. Here’s what I’ve discovered:
Women over-50 are visible at last
The rise and rise of social media means we are bombarded with images every day, that these images are of women of all ages is fantastic. It’s such a joy to see women over-50 like Diane Keaton, Asami Naito, Ana Gimeno Brugada, Arlinda McIntosh, Sophie Fontanel, Patti Smith and Linda V Wright enjoying life and style on my Instagram feed. While there may be a distinct lack of female film-makers nominated for the 2020 Oscars and Baftas, at the end of last year, the New York Times ran a great piece, ‘The Year Women Over 50 Reclaimed Their Right To Be Seen’. Now there are ‘more American women over-50 alive today than at any point in history,’ the number of films focusing on the challenges we face in midlife is beginning to reflect this. I am currently enjoying working my way through the movies mentioned in the feature; so far I’ve ticked off Gloria Bell with Julianne Moore, 59, and Juanita starring Alfre Woodard, 67 (both Netflix). The New York Times includes a quote from Patricia Clarkson, 59 (mirroring the words of Laura Dern about having a heyday), ‘I am grateful at 50 to be getting the best parts of my life.’
Though we aren’t being paid enough
We are living longer, staying fitter and there are more women in the workforce than ever before. Though the latter is partly because of the Great Pensions Robbery – and even though the Equal Pay Act is nearly as old as I am, discrimination is still an issue. The Gender Pay Gap is widest for women in their 50s, Big thanks to Carrie Gracie, Samira Ahmed and Jane Garvey for taking a high-profile stand.
We’re beyond the age of Peak Misery (47.2 years)
According to research by economics expert Professor David Blanchflower (who studied data from 132 countries), the age of peak unhappiness is 47.2. Now that I’m 56.1, things should be looking up. And anyhow, I had my midlife crisis at 39. Single, no kids, no beautiful Scandinavian-inspired house of dreams. What was I doing with my life? Waking up in New York on my 40th birthday I looked out of the window, admired the incredible view and realised how privileged I was. Unsurprisingly, I felt exactly the same as I had the previous day. Nothing drastic had happened. Sixteen years, one blog, two books and a podcast later, I am much more relaxed and at ease with the ageing process.
Of course, health is everything. According to The Age Well Project, ‘our ability to age well can be enhanced: by eating the right foods, but eating less; taking regular exercise; avoiding stress; and avoiding or countering environmental toxins.’ The prospect of death, living with elderly and infirm relatives, having terminally-ill friends, provides a great deal of perspective. Worrying about wrinkles and getting older feels ridiculous in comparison, a complete waste of energy.
Everyone’s talking about the menopause
I hadn’t even thought about the menopause until I had my first hot flush. Now I’m on HRT (when I can get hold of the patches) and thinking of buying shares in YES VM. Google it. There are numerous websites, blogs and books dedicated to the subject ( Dr Louise Newson, a GP and menopause expert, is particularly good). Seems like everyone is talking about the menopause. Even Meg Matthews…There is still a way to go but the taboos surrounding menopause are going down like BHS; aided by more discussion online, in the news and in-between friends.
Natural hair, oh yeah.
Just don’t call us InstaGrandmas
Yes there are lots of older women on Instagram but I can’t help feeling we’ve moved on from invisibility to stereotyping. Last year, I was included in an Elle Japan round-up; a group of stylish Insta Grandmas ‘senior fashionistas aged 50 – 80 in the spotlight.’ Fine. Thank you. Except I don’t have children, let alone grandchildren. Advertisers and editors should know by now that the over-50s are not one large homogenous group and that bracketing women together because of age, hair colour and what we look like, feels reductive and retrograde. What about talent and ability? Simply basing an article on image is just another form of objectivity. It’s like the campaign to remove Miss World from our screens never happened…
Lyn Slater, Accidental Icon speaks eloquently on this subject:
‘This is the only way I am ever written about anymore. I feel erased as an individual; not empowered. I’m not the same as the women who appear in these features with me, nor are they me….Everything else about me except for my age is now deemed unimportant or insignificant. In the guise of addressing ageism my multiple social positions, achievements, history, and uniqueness are discounted leaving me feeling ever more invisible. Putting people into “uniforms” strips their identity away and as I have found in my long career in social welfare, it makes it easier to neglect and do bad things to them. This is fetishizing age; not admiring it.’
This is what we look like, this is what we wear, get over it
As the show-and-tell culture of social media has demonstrated. We do not have to dress a certain way because we are a certain age. With my Casually Glamorous clothes, flat run-around shoes and natural, grey-ish hair, I look completely different to the way my mum looked in her 50s. Ageing today is bound up with mindset, lifestyle and self-expression. Over Christmas, going through some very old family photos, one picture showed the family on a day trip to Chatsworth House. My mum was probably around the age I am now. We joked about her rigid, dyed black, permed hair, she (now snowy white, 86 and still permed) was not amused. Teasing aside, to dye or not to dye is entirely up to the individual. Nigella turns 60 this month and says she’s not ready to stop getting her roots done. Now a columnist for the Sunday Times Style magazine as well as an eternal Domestic Goddess, Nigella recently wrote a brilliant piece on her landmark birthday (for the Sunday Times and sorry it’s behind a paywall). Poignantly mentioning the people in her life – her first husband, mother and sister – who died before reaching the age of 50.
‘ Getting older is much easier than being young,’ Nigella said, ‘The two great enemies of happiness are self-consciousness and the pressure to conform, and the older one gets, the easier it is to throw off those shackles.’
Please note: affiliate links in this post may generate commission.
Style Notes: the silk blouse in the top photo was a given to me by The Fold London to wear at an in-store event I was working on. It’s a keeper, and now reduced in the sale HERE. The leather boots were part of a ‘skills swap’ with small independent brand Ops & Ops. All other clothes and accessories are my own.
Discussion (76 Comments)
Lynn says:
You hit one of my peeves about getting older right on the head — the expectation that all women have children and that older women have both children AND grandchildren. I was always annoyed in my 20 s, 30s and 40s that there was an expectation that I had children and the awkward silence when I said I had none is now being followed up in my later years with same question about grandchildren and the same awkward silence. This is one of the big differences in how men and women have their lives defined by societal expectations. Men are asked about their life experiences and career achievements, women are asked how many children and grand children they have.
That is so true – how men are judged by their careers and experience, and women are not. I’ve always found it odd when people ask why I don’t have children. It could be for a number of reasons, some of which could be very personal. Imagine the opposite. Asking women with children why they DO have children? No one would do that.
Jill Ann says:
I had my children later in life…I had been married for 10 years and was 36 when I had the first one. I guess people had assumed we were never going to have kids, so to my great astonishment, SEVERAL people asked me if my pregnancy was planned! Can you imagine thinking that was an ok question????
Fiona says:
So agree. Not just with the whole “you must have a child” assumption, but I had my child at 42, so I also get sick of the odd looks from some quarters, and prejudices! Who cares! Live and let live. I look at least fifteen years younger than my Mum at my age (57) thanks to people like Alyson who give me confidence to dress as I want. Men do t have half these probs.
JoansGate says:
Hello Alyson, Love your posts! I celebrated my 70th birthday in December 2019 and proud of it. Like you, I have no children, but am married to the same man for almost 46 years. I frequently get asked if I have children, not if I have worked and obtained my degrees. I agree with your thoughts—imagine if we asked women with children why in the world they do have them?
Rochelle says:
Although I am a grandmother, I concur with your feelings. My offspring don’t define my long and interesting life.
maudie says:
What a lovely, lovely post! ‘Insta-Grandma’s’ – how bloody degrading and insulting if it wasn’t so funny in a quirky sense of humour kind of way!! Yup, I am a grandma but as great as that is, it is incidental to the person I am. I, personally, do not take granny-dom as some kind of identity. I have children, they have children thereby that makes me their grandmother. I don’t live, eat and breathe the minutiae of their existences. We are so not one homogeneous group of permed and rain-hatted old biddies that, perhaps, our parents were. Funny, I was looking at a weird array of pastel acrylic cardigans the other day in a department store and wondered WHO exactly buys and wears them. It used to be a right of passage that ‘older ladies’ had a perm, pastel acrylic and a polyester pleated skirt – my aunties were certainly like that. Lyn Slater is so right in saying that ‘uniforms’ remove identity. Let’s embrace and celebrate the huge diversity that getting older now gives us the opportunity to enjoy.
Saba says:
I am happy to learn that others object to the grand-ma meme. I also object to the term old geezer for men which I still find, although less frequently than grand-ma, in publications and common usage. My concern is that older men and women are rendered less potent and even comical with the use of these two terms, grand-ma and old geezer. Calling older women grand-ma pulls up images similar to Whistler’s mother. I find the use of grand-ma misogynist in that older women are typecast while older men may be judged as wise and powerful. Finally, woman of a certain age is particular annoying to me as we all know what that means — not sexy. I throw all of these insults into a basket and light a fire to them!
Trish Crawford says:
I’m so glad that I was born when I was because I can now be part of this great group of ‘women of a certain age’, who embrace getting older! At risk of sounding cliché, older is BETTER, STRONGER, WISER, CALMER, MORE INDEPENDENT, KNOWING! I’m 52 and although I know I’m closer to the end of my life than the beginning, I’m happy to be over 50. I try to do my own thing, please myself and go my own way more and more of the time. Thanks for your post, it’s refreshing to hear someone embracing where they are, rather than trying to camouflage with makeup/cosmetic surgery/hair dye/botox etc… There are many ways to be a woman, of any age. Embrace them all and look after each other!
Georgia says:
Thank you, Trisha. I just turned 53 and am struggling. My health is good, I am athletic, just finishing up a post master’s program; career changer, here;)
Much of my 20’s to late 40’s were spent PLEASING others, not always a bad thing, when done in moderation. I attempted to meet a man to have a family with, likely more my issues of loss and abandonment. Not boo hoo, rather reflexion of my early family dynamics.
Now, in my fifties, I struggle to make choices. Perhaps I “should” feel bad/guilty/stupid for admitting this…Therapy can help us, as can meditation, friends, etc. Ultimately, I am striving to reach a point that I see that you are at; acceptance and admiration for who we are, period.
Fran says:
Here here! Will be 53 in the next few weeks & life just keeps getting better in every aspect. I too am a member of the no children brigade & no longer feel defined by this. Ageing is very liberating!
OK, I get annoyed when people describe clothes as “granny” clothes. Assuming that it’s some terrible outfit etc. I’m a granny, 79 and thrilled to be one. I’m lucky I’m still alive. If I dress in a way that is not so current, who cares? Shouldn’t people be valued for who they are not for what they wear? Honestly! And if someone dressed like a granny she should be honored for her age and experience and her additions to the culture. So that’s my pet peeve.
I think what Susan Blakely said is perfect. “Aging is a privilege and we should celebrate it”!Valleycat1 says:
Thanks for expressing this. My body shape is no longer flattered by many of the styles that are considered more “of the moment.” Have been learning to just accept that I now have a more matronly shape and find a lot of inspiration from all the older actresses who haven’t succumbed to the extreme dieting, exercise and surgical interventions to keep a youthful profile.
Sharon Solomon says:
Love this post! I turned 58 last week and have never felt more comfy in my own skin. My hair has been undyed for 7 years and my skin is good. With age comes freedom and it is a freedom I am embracing.
“According to research by economics expert Professor David Blanchflower (who studied data from 132 countries), the age of peak unhappiness is 47.2.” Ha ha! I love that! I’m well beyond that, PHEW! Too bad (or maybe not) there’s no statistic on the age of peak happiness. I’d hate to think THAT was behind me!
Great discussion and much food for thought!
PS – love the wide-legged trousers with flat sneakers.
Bettye
Briar Gregory says:
Well said Allyson. I’m now in my 70s but I consider that the 50s was my best decade, it felt as though I’d finally arrived at my peak of womanhood. And by embracing the way I felt: new interests, pushing myself mentally and physically, finally feeling good about myself, I inadvertently set myself up for a fulfilling life in my 60s and 70s. I don’t think women need to give in to feeling powerless, it’s possible to feel strong as you age.
Karyn Stillwell says:
Great observation, certainly balances out the ‘nearer to the end of my life rather than the beginning etc’ comment! Thank you for sharing.
Kim says:
It has taken reaching 60 for me to feel comfortable with who I am. I’m not always confident, still occasionally looking for affirmation which was withheld as a child, and occasionally mad as hell – but happy to accept that all this will pass.
I might have looked better when younger but I wasn’t anywhere near as comfortable as I am now with my white hair and minimal makeup. I’m happy. And I’m not a grandma.
Great post.Stephanie says:
I turned seventy at the end of last year and I have to say that neither my fifties nor sixties were particularly daunting. In fact, I would say they were probably the best years of my life so far. I enjoyed the process of seeing my hair change colour and though there is an occasional twinge of nostalgia for my earlier chestnut coloured crowning glory, grey hair can be equally beautiful in its own way. I have continued to work at the things I love and often find now that though I don’t entirely understand the world of my sons, the eldest in his forties, there is a certain respect from the people I meet among those who are younger. They listen, they want to know what it was like when you were young and how you feel now. In a sense, maybe they find it re-assuring that we’re still out there and engaged with the world. Perhaps that’s part of what our role becomes, especially at a time in history when things appear to be far more complex and uncertain than they were for us. It’s that integrity that we seem to find as we get older that is maybe the key. We embrace our grey hair and the fact that we never did grow to look like Jean Shrimpton or Julie Christie, but that’s ok and we still love them for who they were and who they are. And we can’t wear stilettos because as my grandson said, “No Nanny, you look a bit ridiculous.” God bless him for his honesty. I think it may be apocryphal but I like the story about Itzhak Perelman who just before he went on stage to play, one of the strings on his violin snapped but he went on and played anyway saying, “You have to make music, with what you’ve got”. We do and I think that perhaps we are far more forgiving of others when we do.
Joyce Morris says:
‘Age is a privilege denied to many ‘ is so apt for this post, which is a brilliant one Alyson. Thank you.
Maureen says:
I’m exactly the same age as Nigella so just tipped over to 60. Was a bit of a shock getting there so quickly. I’m child free by choice so no granny either.
My menopause was instant. Hysterectomy via laparoscopy, all done and dusted. Fabulous operation, highly recommended No HRT.
Been white haired for about 10 years after years of covering up the grey. Had grey hairs since I was in my early 20s. Saved money, time, effort and finally it’s me. Loved been brunette but that was then this is now. Onwards and upwards. I really don’t care any more what people think or say. Their problem. They need to get a life if their only concern is stereotyping women with more years of life and fun
Jane Royce says:
Thanks Alyson and all the contributors.. a great post. Am approaching 54 and have no qualms about my age. I started going grey in my early 40s after I had my daughter . I’ve been called her granny by umpteen children (as did my white haired ‘older’ mother when I was small – mortifying!!) and also asked many times why I ‘only’ have one child. I’ve never dyed my grey hair and people come up to me in the street to say how lovely it looks – a good cut does the trick. I travel 200 miles to have it cut after finding an amazing hairdresser in Yorkshire
:))What IS hard about my age and the fact that I, like many others, have chosen to have a child in my 40s, is having to cope with the challenges of small child/frail parent AND trying to keep my career from expiring.
Love your blog. It deals with all the stuff that I’m going through. I partic love all the discussions about clothes.. am finding it hard to make that work (for various reasons) and it doesn’t help when your own v old mother – who has poor eyesight – tells you you look ridiculous in a beautiful halter neck summer dress and it’s ‘probably the last summer you’ll be able to wear that’
Thank youhaha, leave it to mother to puncture your happy halter dress moment,
on my wedding day my mother mention she noticed the lines on my forehead for the first timeIsobel says:
Oh no! Jane and Tess, I know exactly how you feel – I had a mother and a mother-in-law who both had foot-in-mouth disease (may they rest in peace) !!!
What I hope I’ve learned from this is to be kind to my own daughter – whether or not I agree with her style choices! Awful to be undermined like that when you hope you’re looking your best (on your wedding day)
Jules says:
Great post ! ..growing old is a privilege ..I don’t want to wear the same clothes as in my twenties and thirties but I do feel that I can be or wear anything I choose without the shackles of approval that I felt in my younger ‘life’ … also love so many of these comments ..strong women all! Ps the wide black trousers are divine… I know you says they’re your own but is it possible to find these anywhere? I can feel a mission coming on!
Sarah says:
So agree Jane with your sentiments, learn the lesson and pull the youngers ones up instead of pushing them down.
Ali says:
Thank you for your article, your website and your instagram. It is so refreshing to have content that I can relate to.
Lucy Ryan says:
Hi Alyson, what a fantastic post. Thank you. I’m 56 too and have just completed my PhD after five years of part time study focusing on professional women at midlife. Your post resonated with the results. Women at midlife are not one homogenous group nor are we in decline. Indeed, many are finding a new calling and stepping up. Interestingly (for me!!) most of the midlife research is based on men. Midlife can also be about loss and grief so our perspective is even keener. So thanks for writing about this so eloquently.
Kat Ballentine says:
Now that so many women are living past 50, it is time to address the issue of hormone replacement for women with the same intensity as the research on viagra. What is the effect on women living estradiol-free for the second half of their lives?
Clare F says:
Fantastic post that led me down an online rabbit hole this morning where I found lots of interesting things. Insta-Grandma – argh, just lazy, and says such a lot about how women over a certain age are still regarded. It’s got to change and I wish I could see that coming sometime soon. I like being older, especially the perspective it gives you, but sometimes feel as if I’m suddenly living in another country, without realising I must have crossed a border somewhere along the line.
Noleen says:
Can we PLEASE talk about rosacea. I am 62 and have been living with this for 8 years and it is hideous. Any otter suffers out there?
Lynne Collins says:
I had a few post-menopausal years with rosacea and ended up going to see a dermatologist recommended to me. I am within an hour of London which is where he has his practice but if you have someone locally, even better. Good luck.
Esmé says:
Hello Noleen, I had rosacea which was triggered by things like red wine. Apart from avoiding triggers I was proscribed metronidazole, a topical antibiotic, which I used when I had a flare. Fortunately, after about 10 years it has largely cleared and I only occasionally have a flare. I don’t use anything now. There are also newer treatment so I would ask your doctor. Hope this helps, Esmé
Thank you for this post that hits me right in the heart! I’m 55 and don’t have children either. Everyone assumes I do too. It’s usually an awkward interaction after they ask and I tell them no. Sometimes it makes me feel like the world doesn’t acknowledge our existence. Whew! We are here!
Claire B says:
I’m 61 now and have two grown up daughters but don’t see myself defined by the fact that I’m their mother, although of course it’s a very important part of who I am. I can’t stand the gran thing, or “woman of a certain age”, both drive me nuts. I’m happy to be the age I am although having two parents with dementia and friends with long term illnesses does make you think about life slightly differently – but as you say Alyson, it puts things in perspective too.
I look forward to your posts and enjoy all your style advice, most blogs/insta accounts for “older women” seem to think we all want to look like we work for Fox News.Hi Alyson –
Lovely to see you on here and great article.
I turned 50 and actually enjoyed it very much. To be categorised is the same thing with being #plussize , we are certainly not all the same either, but I am so happy to see how far the diversity movement has come.
All the best Anna ScholzAlyson, happy (belated) birthday and thank you for your blog, the podcasts and the delightful variety of advice/conversation/ideas. So much to say but won’t bore you – thank you for mentioning JUANITA, the Netflix film featuring Alfre Woodard. I wrote the book on which it’s based – DANCING ON THE EDGE OF THE ROOF. What’s great (and unexpected) is that when I wrote the book, Juanita, Alfre and I were in our forties. By the time the film was actually made…(and that’s a story too long for this space), all of us were past fifty! But we’ve moved forward in amazing directions.
And so have you – thank you.Sheila Williams
Hello Sheila and thank you for commenting, how fantastic. Congratulations on having your book made into a film, eventually… Hope you enjoyed the experience and are working on the sequel! And I have to ask, is it autobiographical?
Very best, Alyson
Ha! I am asked that question all the time!
The answer is “No” from a this-is-not-my-life perspective but yes in a spiritual way: I find myself “dancing along the edge of a roof” as in taking risks, more and more. It’s important to stretch yourself, both physically (if possible) and mentally, artistically.SJW
Sara says:
Hurray!
Agree with all you say, Alyson. Have to say, at 69 and nearly two years into a very happy retirement after 40 odd years of doing a job I loved, I do not feel defined or confined by my age in terms of recognition (by others), or style. I think I really do not care about the recognition bit, only when I hear the granny words said about any woman.. Like you, I am not one, having chosen not to have children but nobody has called me that in my hearing – possibly behind my back?? I don’t know. Agree, it is such a lazy way of referring to anybody, so reductive and mostly irrelevant.
Love the second pic of you in particular; that style is a great one and, if it does matter, ageless. The sneakers are fab for those of us now not wanting to totter in heels- I always walked too fast for stilettos! I’ve not yet abandoned my hair colour, mostly because I think au naturel in my case would be a nothingy mouse and I have never wanted or had, nothingy colour! Were it to be the gorgeous silver of a couple of my friends, I’do it tomorrow but I would be condemned to dishwater grey mouse. Not for me; not quite brave enough to do a Zandra Rhodes, but happy with my own (from a bottle) reddish chestnut for a while yet.
Wise words from a friend when I began the menopause: “the hot flushes do not go away” and, from another, if you take HRT, they(flushes) start when you stop it. So no HRT but still, 17 years on, always the flushes. Like so many wise women say, age is a privilege, so we get on with it!Midlife and Beyond says:
I’m in my sixtieth year and have never wanted to be categorised. I certainly do not want to be referred to as an Insta-Grandma, how patronising. loved the quote from Nigella & agree that it’s easier to throw off those shackles when you’re older. I really enjoy not conforming too.
Alison xMarcie says:
Happy Birthday, Alyson. My heartfelt thanks for your upbeat messages about aging gracefully and living meaningfully, regardless of age. I am thirty years your senior, but still happy and healthy, and grateful every dayto be so privileged. Never give up!
Nicole Kowalski says:
Have been thinking about this for a few days. Part of me is in loud agreement about aging and the diminishing of women by their reproductive status.
Another part of me is somewhat…well, offended…by a whiff of the “not me, I’m cool” vibe in the vehement rejection of being mistakenly identified as a “grandma.” As if it’s the worst thing to call a woman! Very few women have the time, energy, expertise, income, or body to be the Accidental Icon. If that’s the standard, it’s a little too elitist for me.
Carolyn Reynolds says:
Well written! I always appreciate your level headed commentary and consistent advocacy of our age group. Your writing helps me so much in understanding the (mis)perceptions of all women, no matter our age. Thank you, Alison.
Alipally says:
Great article; and happy birthday! I have 2 comments!
1) My mother in law had three children and five grandchildren; but one son died when he was 31 and a grandchild at 3 weeks. She was stoical and dignified about this; didn’t talk about her sorrow; but a week before she died she told me she had really hated it when people asked her how many children
and grandchildren she had, as she never knew what to say. She didn’t want to deny their existence; but to tell the truth of what had happened was too much to bare.
2) As a 58 year old grey haired knitting hands-on Granny I fit into all the media sterotypes. But those three facts don’t actually tell you anything about who I really am or the life that I’ve led up to this point. I don’t need to see another advert for cruises/life insurance/funeral plans on my phone, thank you!Mrs Tonia says:
Happy belated birthday to you Alyson. Looking good in all the outfits and clear headed and very honest about this stage of life. Glad that in your prime you’ve found yourself and have a stimulating career and personal life.
I liked the summation of perspective on the various topics. But it’s really everyone to their own I feel.
A good range of replies in the comments. Much food for thought as usual.Great post as always!
I really admire your style, you look modern but never uncomfortable, well dressed but not fussy. I have copied some of your outfits, investing in a good blazer and even a jumpsuit.I believe (as you say) health is everything. I have practiced and taught yoga for 20 years but have recently completed a certification in something called Move Nat which is a natural movement system. I was among the first class of graduates in the over 50 category!
I feel so much stronger and happy in my body and would not change places with anyone younger. I see so many people who complain about how they can’t do things because they are “old”. Some of these people are in their late 30’s – ha! The ability to get up and down from the floor with ease, lift arms overhead and balance while walking along a 2×4 are movements we should be concentrating on to remain independent and vital as we age.
thank you for all the links in this post and for your clear eyed perspective on aging.
kathy dodd
ps – I turned 56 this year too!Jan says:
Have loved your blog now for some time but this is the first time I have written. Happy birthday. I hope you had some champagne and some very decadent cake.
Clodagh says:
Hi Alyson, I enjoy your posts and blogs and this one struck a chord. It’s great that women of a certain age now have more of a voice but we are also not a homogenous group. I had my daughter later in life so am now living with a teenager! For me it is all about ageing well. I want to be fit and healthy for as long as I can and as I love fashion I try to look as well as I can too. For my sake. My efforts at being ‘stylish’ make me feel more confident and provide a great distraction when dealing with the rest that life is throwing at me on a day to day basis..
Lesley Somerville says:
Clodagh, you took the words out of my mouth. I had my only child at 40, raised him mostly on my own and he’s now a lovely nearly 24 year old. I know he’s proud of my fitness, independence and enthusiasm for life. I feel I’m being a good role model for him as well. He used to be my ‘project’ – now I am my own project in life. And it feels good, actually.
My fifties were probably my hardest decade – lots of family/work stuff going on – but my sixties are a different story. Just as when I breathed out on my 40th birthday, so with my 60th. Menopause all done and dusted, no HRT, plenty of grey hair and absolutely no interest in being stared at or commented upon, enjoying the anonymity and the senior railcard, thanks. Relieved not to have seen mention of granbod for quite some time.
Excellent post Alyson! The media’s insistence at referring to every gray haired women on social media as a “grandma”, is soo effing annoying, and offensive. I often know several of the women that are featured, and they are NOT grandmothers, nor should it be assumed they are. Should we just start referring to every man over 50 as “grandpa”? Happy belated Birthday!
Liz says:
A friend said both of those things to me too….I was already taking HRT and continued to. After a few years I came off it and the flushes have never come back . I think what your friend ….and mine …said may be true for some, but for me the hot flushes were so bad that I would have been unable to cope with life without HRT . I did not consider my friend’s words wise and did my own research.
I have friends who didn’t need it, others who were advised against it for other health issues, others who were given sleeping pills or anti depressants until they found a doctor who understood the problem and prescribed HRT.
My advice to anyone would be to find out what suits them and relives their symptoms. I was reassured to discover that HRT does not delay the symptoms until later … when according to my friend they would be worse… like some bizarre punishment for cheating .Karen Huff says:
What a great post Alyson. I am also 56, have embraced my greying hair and feel like I’m finding out who my authentic self is at last. I’m just two weeks away from the end of my first year of chefs school and I get weepy when I think how happy making this big career change has made me. I love having women friends of all ages and feel we have so much to learn from each other. Thank you for providing a forum for us to exchange our thoughts on so many relevant topics and a huge thank you for the fantastic style advice! You’ve been instrumental in me developing my own personal style. Sorry to gush, but I’m a big fan of what you do. Many thanks!
Susan says:
I am 67 and love your style… have just discovered you and am now following on Instagram… looking forward to reading your articles.. thank you!
Great post Alyson. I was watching the Alan Bennet Talking Heads, and wondering why the women in his plays are miserable, cardigan wearing ‘old ladies’. The next day I saw a Twitter post that suggested it was maybe more about what goes on in Alan Bennet’s head than portraying life as I know it – a light bulb moment. If someone reduces others – for age/stage/whatever, it’s more about them than it is about me!
Hello Alyson, Thank you for raising the whole question around perceptions and stereotypes based on age, marital status, children, grandchildren – or not.
I absolutely love the age I am, but tend not to share my number, as it immediately conjures up an image and preconceptions that bear little relation to who I am or what you see.
I have no problem being an older woman, or even a feisty old woman, but I cannot bear the coy, women of a certain age, or ridiculous, senior citizen! I’m sure I would this comment would be banned if I put into words exactly how I feel about these and other patronising and demeaning descriptors.
In response to the comment on what the women were wearing in Talking Heads, I think these are the costumes of the period in which they were written. Thank goodness we are living in a different age.Elise says:
The more women write, the more we read, learn and share too. So much here to normalise and be proud about – achievements, health, style, wisdom, perspective. Keep getting your views out there as it gives others confidence too!
Sumi Waran says:
I always empower woman as we get into our 50s..being in my 50s myself..I loved and feel honored about the article..In Asian countries we are always labelled as “Aunties or Oldies “… Well we can always look good , chic and stylish after all age is just a number….love all the other comments from other ladies throughout the world…
[…] a fabulous article by Alyson Walsh, journalist and more widely known as the creator of the site, ‘That’s Not My Age’ called, ‘I’m 56 and proud – and here’s what I know about women in their […]
J'annine Matthews says:
Hi
I had my only child when I wax 39 as I had resigned myself to the fact that I was not having children. I am 56, and I dye my hair red. I wear what I want, never been a follower of fashion. I wear Halloween dresses and tops and Christmas tops and dresses. I think I am a young 56 as opposed to an older 56 . It did occur to me the other day when should I stop doing what I do and wear but then I thought sod it, no I am me and if I stopped it would not be me and I rather like me being me. I am different to everyone else, and if you don’t like it which I am sure my other half doesn’t that is your problem not mine.
Cindy 
Lori V. 
Rhoda 
Carole Leave a Reply
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Great post, Alyson! The “Gran” thing drives me absolutely BONKERS too. Again, reducing women to their relationships. You’re a great role model.
Aging is a privilege, and we should celebrate it.