Time may be a flat circle, but love is . . . heart-shaped? Or: Yellow King? More like, Yaaas Queen! I’m not really sure what any of those sentences mean, because life is a big existential mystery. But we do at least know one thing: True Detective co-stars Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch are dating! So says Us Weekly, anyway, and they’re only wrong a modest amount of the time. So that’s exciting! Of course, “time is a flat circle” and “Yellow King” are references from the first, completely different season of the show, which McAdams and Kitsch weren’t on, but you get my point. The point is, True Detective is a very dark, grave show, and yet somehow a bright, fun thing has emerged from it. The brightest and most fun thing there is: a romance!
Us quotes one of its mysterious sources—shadowy, unknowable figures, who move through the celebrity world unseen and unimpeded—as saying, “It hasn’t been long, but it’s serious.” Serious! Just like True Detective. The magazine also points out that, y’know, McAdams has a history of dating her co-stars, and quotes another inside source who says that McAdams dated Jake Gyllenhaal while filming the upcoming boxing drama Southpaw. So this union with Kitsch was probably inevitable. I mean, who else was she going to hook up with, Vince Vaughn? Highly unlikely.
No, she and Kitsch are a perfect fit, mostly because they’re both Canadian. Us says they’ve been friends for years, which is true of all Canadians who live and work in the States. Oh, yeah, they all know each other. They go to Sunday suppers, talk about that year’s Gemini Awards, listen to Jann Arden records. Y’know, Canadian things. It’s a very close-knit community. In the case of these two love birds, she may be from Toronto while he’s from the weird wilds of British Columbia, she the city girl and he the grizzled but beautiful mountain man, but it doesn’t matter. Such a union would never work for Americans, but for Canadians? All they have to do is get to gabbing about Rookie Blue or DaVinci’s Inquest and it’s like they’ve known each other forever. It’s a natural fit, natural as Justin Trudeau’s penchant for good liberal politics.
And to have this relationship be announced on Canada Day?? That’s an extra blessing. As all Canadians know, and all Americans should know, a purebred Canadian couple announcing their love—or having an anonymous source announce their love for them to an American gossip magazine, same diff—on Canada Day ensures that they will be together forever. So head on down to a Montana’s or a Boston Pizza and raise a LaBatt to them, the new king and queen of Canada. Oh, yeah, that’s how that works. As the official Canada Day Couple, they are also now the rulers of Canada. Until, of course, Cobie Smulders ditches her American husband and marries Ryan Gosling and they rule Canada and much of the Arctic for a thousand years, thus fulfilling Alanis Morissette’s ancient prophecy. It’s all right there in the rulebook, guys. The big Canadian rulebook.
Anyway, valar morghulis! Or whatever they say on True Detective.
