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Sometimes when a celebrity comes out, I feel nothing but straightforward happiness for them. Other times, I breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank God she’s on our team.” The latter was the case with Parvati Shallow, the legendary Survivor winner (and now Traitors contestant) who came out as queer last December. Arguably the best player to ever don a Buff on the beach, Parvati is something of a social mastermind — or a “Duchess of Deception” as fellow Traitors player John Bercow labeled her right before she was banished earlier this season. Her skills are as subtle as they are substantial: Parvati has enough charisma to be a cult leader, but she wisely avoids the limelight, watching from the shadows as louder players put their heads on the chopping block. Frankly, she’s the kind of Machiavellian mastermind we need in our corner; I sleep better at night knowing she has a rainbow in her Instagram bio.
But sadly for fans of the headband-wearing television demigoddess, Parvati’s usual strategies only carried her so far on The Traitors. After fellow conspirator Dan Gheesling fell into a trap laid by former Bachelor leader Peter Weber and got himself eliminated, the residual suspicion cast on Parvati sealed her fate. She was banished at the roundtable during last week’s episode, leaving Real Housewives of Atlanta star Phaedra Parks as the sole remaining Traitor. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Parvati’s history, it’s that you can’t keep her down for long: after placing sixth on Survivor in 2006, she came back and won in 2008. Perhaps this season was only the prologue for an inevitable Parvati resurgence?
Following her elimination, the Mistress of Murder herself sat down with Them to talk about her takeaways from the game, whether she would have made it further as the sole Traitor, and what kind of queer dating show she would like to spearhead.
If someone called me “the Duchess of Deception,” I think I’d probably get it tattooed. I know at the moment you were probably worried about getting voted out, but was some part of you thinking that phrase could be your new bio?
I loved it. Well, first of all, I was very annoyed with John for his speech because I think that tipped people over the edge, and that was the reason why I went home that night. But when he called me “the Duchess of Deception” and “the Mistress of Murder,” I fell on the table. I could not. I was laughing. I was like, “I need a T-shirt.” But I think I actually need a headband…
Yeah, I was going to ask you about the headbands. How many do you think you have in total now?
Not enough for what I’ve done to create this massive hubbub about headbands!
You referred to one of them in an interview as a “predatory headband.” Do they all have unique purposes?
No, that just came up out of nowhere because it was a leopard-print headband. I didn’t think through the headbands. I just wanted to play a character. Blair Waldorf was my fashion inspiration, and she wears headbands in Gossip Girl. I brought some headbands — not enough headbands to really stand in this new trend that I didn’t really know I was going to be setting. Now, I have a headband company sending me a bunch of headbands so that I can have enough. Because if I need to make Traitors appearances, I better be wearing a headband.
Keeping on the fashion beat, half of the reason I watch the show is to find out what Alan Cumming is going to wear when he walks into breakfast. How much are you all talking about his looks during filming?
Constantly. It’s a central feature of conversation. We are playing this game with Love Island contestants, Housewives, and Bravo people. They are all about fashion — the women, anyway. That matters more to them than gameplay. Alan’s fashion was the hottest topic because he is such an icon. He sets the tone for all of us. I think the women really got the memo of “You better dress to impress, because Alan’s going to be showing us all up.”
I feel like I wouldn’t want to talk about gameplay. I would just be like, “Did you see his Tartan beret?”
Yeah. Then they would be like, “You’re a traitor.”
Speaking of gameplay, how does strategy differ on The Traitors as opposed to Survivor? Do you feel like your prowess translated to this new format?
I mean, a bit of it translated, but not as much as I would’ve liked. I think Traitors is very different from Survivor in that it’s really a show first and foremost. It’s about performing, it’s about being able to slip underneath people’s suspicions and how well you lie, really. That’s the main aspect of it. And then the secondary aspect is: Who are you going to murder? Who are you going to banish? The strategy piece comes in after the performance piece.
With Survivor, there’s not really a performance piece at all. You may have to lie about who you’re going to vote out, but it’s less about playing a character and more about thinking strategically about who your closest allies are. Who do you trust? And then voting out the people who you’re like, “I don’t have a good relationship with these people,” or “I think they’ll turn on me.”
I mean, it all goes over my head as, like, the least socially fluent person I know. I love a lot of things about myself, but I’m totally aware that if I were on Survivor, I’d be the uncharismatic dead weight that a strong social player carries to the end to have numbers-
Hey, that’s a legitimate strategy!
But for years now, I’ve wanted to ask you whether you’re aware of the personality traits you have that make you good at these shows? Or is it just second nature?
I think I’m aware now. I mean, I played Survivor for the first time when I was 23. At that point, I was just really good at the kind of jobs that require social finesse, like waitressing, bartending, and getting tips from people. Then when I played Survivor, I just used my skill set that I’d honed from being in the social groups that I had in high school and college, and the jobs that I’d had.
Now, I’m 41. I’ve played Survivor four times, I’ve played Traitors once, and I see how well I can navigate. Even when there’s a target on me, I can still find a way to stick around and outlast certain other people who have a harder time. I think the people who have the hardest time in these games are the ones who need to be seen as the leader, need to have other people follow them, and need to have control. Those are the kinds of people who will rub others the wrong way. For me, I don’t need to have control. I’m happy to allow other people to stick their necks out and then they dig their own grave. I don’t need to earn anyone’s respect. I don’t need anyone to really like me. I just need to play the game and stick around.
I also think I’m good at making people mad at me, and then making it up to them and repairing relationships. I can do that to kind of create a little tension in our dynamic, but then also to prove that, “Hey, I’m loyal and I’ve got your back.” I will allow people to save face by getting in some digs so they feel like they’ve won. And then I’ll be like, “Oh, do you still like me? Can we still be friends?”
I mean, you’re a genius, I just have to say. I have a theory that if you were the sole Traitor, you would’ve made it deeper than you did as part of a group of three.
Yeah, I probably would have. I think I would have, because it would’ve been easier to navigate the different factions knowing that it was just me. But it would’ve been so lonely, and I already had a hard time.
I felt very lonely playing Traitors because I was like, “I can’t be honest with anybody.” Those moments in the turret with Dan and Phaedra — especially when Dan was out and I had the moments with Phaedra — were really fun, and it brought me back some life and positivity and joy because I was like, “Man, it’s hard to just lie to people all day.” It felt isolating. I think it would’ve been easier for me to win the game that way, but it wouldn’t have been as fun.
You told Vulture you’d love to host a queer dating show. What would be your ideal format? Have you had time since then to develop the pitch deck?
I’m in this phase of life where I’m a divorcée. I am in a new phase of exploration and seeing what works and how to build my life without the conditions of the past. And a lot of my friends are in this place, too. Some of them are married, some of them are newly divorced, some of them are single women who have never been married or single men, and I’m like, “It would be cool to host a dating show that would be like, Turning Queer.”
Let’s get some people who have been straight for their whole lives who’ve never really explored or experimented, but love hasn’t worked out for them. Let’s open them up to this element of like, “Why don’t you try something new?” Let’s put you on a date with a woman. Let’s put you on a date with a man. Let’s see. Do the sparks fly if you give yourself permission to allow that to happen, and what’s in the way? Is it truly a preference? Is it truly that you are only interested in the opposite sex? Or is it that you have not given yourself permission to explore?
That’s amazing! I’m so glad you’re part of this micro-boom of reality stars coming out. Is there a Gabby/Becca/Parvati group chat somewhere?
Oh my God, I wish I knew who those people were!
Gabby Windey was the Bachelorette and is now dating Robby Hoffman, and Becca Tilley was on The Bachelor and is now dating Hayley Kiyoko.
I’ll look them up and we should get a group chat going.
Start an alliance?
I’m into that.
This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity.
New episodes of The Traitors stream on Peacock Thursday nights.
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