Enchanted Tales; Quasimodo the Handsome Emo

Quasimodo

It’s ironic that the ONLY character is this poo-fest to keep their original name is so far removed from the original intent of the character that it is downright insulting.

I mean is the story so fucking complicated that no one can really get it right or do people just not care? I mean who said Quasimodo should be handsome, did they read the story or did you think that their creativity made them above at least getting the basics right? I hate the Enchanted Tales version of Hunchback AHHHHHHHHHHH

(Inhales)

Melody & Quasimodo, Enchanted Tales, Hunchback of Notre Dame

Ok, let start with SOME positives. Quasimodo is not the focal character. That’s actually something. In the book, you never follow Quasimodo the same as Esmeralda, Frollo or even Gringoire but because he is the titular character he gets to be a focal point.

Quasimodo also gets a back story and while it’s stupid at least it something. In the novel it was hinted that he could be a Gypsy so here it’s a nice micro call out.

Quasimodo with the Ding-Bats

However, despite having a backstory. it ruins some points of Quasimodo, First off, he and the Frollo character, Jean-Claude, are half-brothers and that doesn’t bother me so much, it bothers me that Quasimodo is older. Quasimodo is older then his father-figure-like character. It just seems wrong. I’m surprised they didn’t go with step-brother angle, more cliches!

However the biggest F.U. with the backstory is that Quasimodo was not born deformed and get got his hunch from working too much. Although later it’s revealed that his hunch was the result of sadness. Enchanted Tales hates the original hunchback story right? That is the only way to process this shit. He has a curvature of the spine because he’s Emo. (Facepalm)

Quasimodo bells to Melody

Quasimodo in this has next to no personality, so he’s perfect for his little chicky-poo Melody. I mean he yells at one point but then retracts it with a derpy love song. Also in that scene Quasimodo wants Melody to leave but then give her bells. He made a gift for her that he never really intended to give her, Creepy!

Handsome Quasimodo a.k.a Wholemodo?

I could take his no personality and him being older than a half-brother Frollo if they at least kept the fundamentals. His “deformities” or rather his icky looks were just him with bad posture and unkempt hair because he was sad. That was it? Not hideous.

Hmm I guess you could he is a bit of drama queen. And sure he rings bells at a place called Notre Dame but his being a handsome beefy guy that with a better animation budget would look like a Disney Prince is just unforgivable.

Melody and a “handome” Quasimodo

Then to add the worst insult the fucking movie tells us the viewer that looks don’t matter. If looks don’ matter then why bother making Quasimodo handsome in the first place? It’s such a terrible way to present that moral because it’s saying look that don’t matter if you’re considered conventional attractive ARGH.

Melody and Quasimodo getting married

Who wrote this? A handsome Quasimodo who then totes that looks are not important should not be getting paid to write especially for young kids/babysitter fodder.

Next time – Jean-Cluade a.k.a Not Frollo

Not Frollo/Phoebus a.k.a Jean-Claude