Brenda Song still remembers the first time she heard that her mother had breast cancer. Fifteen years ago, the then 16-year-old actress, along with her two brothers, received the news, and since then, Brenda's mother has faced cancer three additional times. Although the diagnosis has never gotten any easier to hear, the former Suite Life star has learned how to cope, and she wants others to know they can get through similar difficulties too.
Speaking with Teen Vogue for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Brenda admitted she was terrified at the thought of her mother having breast cancer. "Cancer is the scariest six-letter word in the dictionary," she said. "It's so synonymous with death and the unknown. You hear the word "cancer," and you just don't even know what that means."
Still, she said, the experience changed her life in a most unexpected way. "Seeing my parents scared and acting off-kilter really rocked me," she said. "It changed who I am in all of my relationships with my family, for the better."
In order to face that fear, Brenda recommends staying educated and aware. For her, it helped when she attended doctor's visits with her mom and when she asked questions of trusted adults. That process is also something that Sue Schwartz, one of the Stand Up To Cancer cofounders, recommends, and as she explained to Teen Vogue, there truly is power in knowledge, especially when it comes to something as daunting as cancer. "Be present, and be available to talk to your parents' doctor," Schwartz said. "All cancers are complex, and there's not just one type. If you don't have the specifics, you tend to look at the worst-case scenarios."
For Brenda, being able to talk with doctors helped alleviate some of her fears. "The more I knew, the more power I had," she said. "The scariest thing [about cancer] is how out of control you can feel throughout the entire process; feeling like there's nothing you can do to help your loved ones going through this. I found it really helped me to stay informed on upcoming research, researching her cancer, her medications, things like that."
It's perfectly normal to feel some sadness or to be scared at the thought of a family member or loved one having cancer, but it's crucial to talk through those emotions with a trusted adult. It's also important to remember that health-care providers remain committed to eradicating cancer and the treatment options are always changing. "We've made tremendous strides in cancer treatment, and a diagnosis doesn't mean a death sentence," Schwartz said. "It's really important for people to understand that there is hope."
For those who wish to learn more about breast cancer or what their loved one is going through, Schwartz suggested turning to trusted resources. To garner more information, you can turn to a trusted doctor or cancer organizations like Stand Up To Cancer, Susan G. Komen, and the National Breast Cancer Foundation.
Along with recognizing that medicine has come a long way in helping others, Brenda, who now works with Stand Up To Cancer and will host a Facebook Fundraiser for the organization this week, said she found comfort in spending time with loved ones. "It's really hard for me, and I had to do a lot of mental gymnastics because my mom and I are so close," Brenda said. "Knowing that every single day, our family was just going to live our best life, and spend as much time together as we can, that really taught me to treasure every single day. Cancer teaches you to really value and cherish every day that you have on this earth."
Even though you might not be the one who has been diagnosed with cancer, both Schwartz and Brenda pointed out that there are still ways you can help a loved one in need, and it begins with just giving back. "Just do it," Schwartz said. "Take the dog for a walk, take the garbage out, do the things that will make your loved one's life just a bit easier." And the best part about helping someone else? You're also helping yourself by staying occupied.
No matter what form of coping you choose to use during this difficult time, it's crucial to acknowledge that not every day will be perfect, and that sometimes your emotions will take over. "One of my best friends told me, 'Brenda, you don't always have to have a smile on your face. It'S OK to be sad, for things to hurt, for you to be scared. It's life, and all you can do is enjoy every moment that you have.'"
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