Being ‘That Girl’ with author Alexis Jones

“I am enough. I have enough. I do enough.”

That’s the first line of the I Am That Girl Manifesto.

In her new book — “I Am That Girl: How to Speak Your Truth, Discover Your Purpose and #bethatgirl” — Westlake High School graduate Alexis Jones wants girls to be their best selves, not what others think they should be.

Jones has been putting that message out there since she founded the nonprofit I Am That Girl in 2008. It was a message she needed to hear when she was in I Am That Girl’s target demographic — girls 16-24.

Jones, 30, has seen her life transform since forming I Am That Girl. And she’s brought others along with her. There are now about 100 local I Am That Girl chapters in five countries, and about 150,000 people being reached on social media. The book is a continuation of the conversation. Female celebrities and leaders write some of the entries as Jones guides women on how to be That Girl, one who has discovered her passion and lives it.

“If you want a how-to guide on ‘fixing’ you, I’m not your girl and this isn’t your book. I don’t think you need to be fixed,” she writes.

It began with a play.

On a whim during her sophomore year at the University of Southern California, Jones tried out to be part of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues.” It was completely outside her comfort zone, but she went for it and got the part. Suddenly, she was reading this play about women with real issues.

It inspired her to begin discussing topics beyond shoes, dating and homework. “A magic thing happened. When I opened the gate of vulnerability, how quickly girls followed suit,” she says.

Even the prettiest girls who seemed so perfect were talking about their struggles. And she realized that there really wasn’t a support organization for girls her age.

In the book’s introduction, she writes:

“I wrote the book because I’m sick of it all. I’m tired of feeling inadequate, imperfect, desperate for approval and chronically insecure. I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m always falling behind in some invisible race against the clock, against other women, even against myself.”

Actress Sophia Bush was Jones’ sorority sister at the time Jones was beginning to spread the message that would become I Am That Girl. In the forward to the book, Bush writes: “I knew she was special then. She was magnetic. Motivated. Excited about everything. A truly shining light. And she still is all of those things.”

Even though in college Jones believed the message of “being enough” that would eventually become the platform for I Am That Girl, she wasn’t really listening to herself. She was searching for perfection.

After college, Jones decided she needed to go to graduate school to figure out how to launch I Am That Girl. She also decided she could do it all. She had a full-time job at Fox Sports. She was combining two years of graduate school into one. She was exercising, but she wasn’t eating or sleeping. She went to the emergency room several times.

The thing about that time, she says, is “how insanely impressive I was that year from the outside … ‘She’s doing it all.’”

“It almost took my life,” she says. “I was 22 years old.”

And then came “Survivor.”

During that year, one of her professors was talking about the instant fame that was being created by the explosion of reality TV shows. “I thought, ‘I could do that.’”

She asked her professor: “If I could get on a show, couldn’t we do it and do it smarter? Why couldn’t I go on and promote something different?”

Jones says being from Texas, she’s always been “go big or go home.”

So, even though the deadline for the next “Survivor” had passed, she called in a favor from a friend to get a meeting with “Survivor” producers. She told producers she was a motivational speaker even though she had yet to be paid to speak and that she had founded I Am That Girl, even though it was in its infancy and the website wasn’t working.

She got cast and a few days after graduation in 2007, she was headed to Micronesia for the show that would air winter 2008. She told her friends and family she was off to Brazil to do missionary work.

Once on the show, she figured out that this was real. There wasn’t any secret buffet or room to stay in. In 33 days, she says, she ate only three real meals. She went through a horrible storm that blew away her shelter. The tide took another shelter, and sand fleas on the beach ate her alive. She ended up with a leg injury during an early challenge.

She’s never been able to watch any of her episodes. “It’s a reenactment of complete torture,” she says. Out of 20 contestants, Jones was voted out when there were only six contestants left.

“Survivor” taught her a lot about herself. Even she didn’t stick to I Am That Girl ideals of supporting other women. She still regrets not standing up for another contestant when others were badmouthing her.

During her time on the island, Jones experienced true adversity and turned to faith to survive. “I had never had a tangible experience with faith,” she says. “It’s different when you are praying for food every day.”

Now she is careful to schedule quiet time for prayer daily. “I am so blessed,” she says. “I can rely on God when it’s really bad.

She never lost sight of her true mission. This was a social experiment, she says. Could she do this reality show and launch the I Am That Girl brand through it?

It turned out she could. When her name flashed when she was on screen, it would mention I Am That Girl. And once the episode in which she was kicked off the island aired, she went through a whirlwind of press. Instead of talking about the contestants or the conditions, she steered the conversations toward I Am That Girl and empowering women. “Smart is the new sexy,” she says.

By the season finale, she had a working website and an international brand. She also had a co-founder in Emily Greener, who she met through a mutual friend. It was an instant connection. “Something lit up inside me that I didn’t know was inside me,” Greener says. “It changed my life.”

The day after they met, Greener began working for I Am That Girl.

The message struck a cord not just with celebrities but with everyday girls. Claire Connor, a West Lake High sophomore, was first inspired by Jones when she heard her speak at West Ridge Middle School three years ago.

“I was so blown away by her message,” she says. “It opened up a lot of possibilities and inspired me to want to go on and do great things because of everything she has done.”

Jones returned the next year to speak at the school, and Claire joined the I Am That Girl chapter there in eighth grade. Last year, she couldn’t find a chapter at her high school, so she joined the chapter at the University of Texas.

This year, she and her friend Sarah Shields formed a chapter at the beginning of the year. They follow the curriculum provided by I Am That Girl, but nothing is off the discussion table, from feminism to sex.

“She taught me to dream ridiculously big,” Claire says. The 16-year-old wants to be either a fashion designer or a writer for a fashion magazine, but to do it with the ideals of I Am That Girl.

Taking a break from Hollywood

After “Survivor,” Jones and Greener were focused on building the brand, but then two years ago, Jones’ father was diagnosed with cancer. She drove back to Austin to care for him. “Everything else stopped,” she says. “I was not available.”

She learned how much she had changed living in Los Angeles for 10 years. Los Angeles, she says, “sucks you in. It turns your priorities upside down.”

Her trip home became healing for her. Life became simple as she became singularly focused. It wasn’t about the 500 emails she got every day or the meetings she needed to attend. It was about her father and the cancer. Now, with her father in remission, she says, “I miss the simplicity of survival. It was the same thing on ‘Survivor.’”

Greener says the time Jones was away from I Am That Girl really helped Jones be able to reevaluate what she wanted to do with the brand. And Jones’ attention became not so focused on the day-to-day, but on writing the book, speaking and writing for the website.

And while home, she reconnected with a boy she knew in high school — Brad Buckman, a professional basketball player who was home for the summer between seasons. He had been in love with her since he was 10 years old, but never said anything because she was a year older and intimidating.

Plus, she was dating a series of bad boys. “I think about how many bullets I dodged,” she says. “I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t know what it felt like to be loved like I am.”

And her four brothers and father have all let her know that this really is “the one.” “Guys know guys,” she says. “I would meet a dude and they would be like, ‘Nope.’”

But with Buckman they’ve told her, “You will not do better. It doesn’t get better,” she says.

Soon it was time for him to leave to play basketball in Spain and then Turkey. And she went.

They are now engaged to be married next year. “He worships me,” she says. “He truly makes me feel cherished every day. So few girls know what that’s like. We settle for not being treated the way we deserve.”

And, of course, you will soon see Alexis Jones pick her Austin Scarlett-designed wedding dress on TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress.”

Getting back to the message.

Next month, Jones will return to L.A. She is working on growing I Am That Girl and her next book and perhaps an online TV show. She now travels 250 days a year, but the beauty of technology is that she can run the brand from wherever basketball takes Buckman or her love of travel takes her.

She does feel conflicted. “I’m so confused. I’m a new feminist, but I also have an adoring fiance,” she says.

And she’s probably not that different from the women for which I Am That Girl was created.

“We are trying to do everything,” she says. Women have so many more choices today and sometimes what happens is they overthink what they want. “We’re in a constant state of anxiety.”

Plus, “we are Photoshopping our lives,” she says. We only put up the perfect pictures of our kids, even though they were just pulling each other’s hair. She recently posted a picture of herself paragliding in Turkey, but what no one else sees is that five minutes later, she threw up.

Instead of putting forth the image that everything is fine, I Am That Girl conversations admit that things are not fine. She’s recently seen some of her high school friends battle addiction and go to rehab. And she can identify with them, “My addiction was I was addicted to ambition, perfectionism.”

But that was unrealistic. In the book she writes, “Living a ‘perfect’ life is like watching television in black and white: you take out the color.”

Greener has watched Jones evolve and put the things she always talked about first: family, friendships and health. And, she, too, has been changed by I Am That Girl.

“I didn’t know how much I needed this,” Greener says. “I thought I was doing it for everyone else.”

Jones wants more women to embrace their imperfections. She writes: “Being ‘that girl’ means you are a constant work in progress — you’re willing to be vulnerable, flawed and compassionate and are someone who stumbles and falls but isn’t afraid to admit her shortcomings in the midst of her magnificence.”

She closes the book with: “My only real goal with I Am That Girl was to remind you that you’re awesome and to Just Be You. Because, my dear, if you haven’t been told today, you are more than enough.”

And Jones is more than enough for herself.