‘American Idol’ recap: Castro II, Noop Dog, Danny the amazing widower

Simon likes you. He really likes you. Especially the male yous of Kansas City. Simon’s way into you. (Bikini girl who?)

“So I’m now in love with Kansas,” said Simon.

Reality check: It’s Missouri.

But point taken.

On the second night of a two-part season eight premiere, a more mellow Simon Cowell and his “American Idol” cohorts returned to David Cook’s Show Me State.

Is there another Cook in the house?

No.

But there is another Castro. Michael Castro. A punk to complement Jason’s dreadhead from season seven. They are both a bit dim and goofy and low-key. The judges were into Michael – especially Kara DioGuardi who said, “You’re kind of a ballsy dude. You kind of have a secret vibe about you.” But I spy nepotism with my little eye.

There were many genuinely talented people in the house – men and women – and the word “like” came out of Scowl Cowell’s mouth at least 10 times, not even in the Valley Girl sense or with “dis” in front.

He liked hipster Von Smith in his tan hat. “I attempt things that most guys don’t attempt to sing.” Like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” in his own special way, which includes being VERY LOUD. I loved it.

He repeatedly said he liked Casey Carlson – a Kansas cutie who looked like their own Dorothy. (Except she’s from Minnesota. And the show is in Missouri.)

He liked married father/welder/fabricator Matt Breitzke’s heart and ambition.

He liked the small town dreams of Jessica Furney, who lives with her 93-year-old grandma.

He liked Anoop Desai – Noop Dog is in the house! -- who studied barbecue for his undergraduate thesis. However, Simon thinks Noop Dog needs a makeover. “It’s all a bit geeky at the moment. .. You look like you just came out of a meeting with Bill Gates.” (He's so "Office Space." Kick that printer!)

Simon liked half of the sister rap team Asia and India and loved their sisterly affection. “I want a sister like that.”

He liked Jamar Rogers and REALLY liked Jamar’s best friend and “brother” music teacher Danny J. Gokey, who lost his wife only four weeks ago. That guy is a star.

He loved the classy, retro sound of wife/mom of three Lil Rounds, whose family had to evacuate their home when a tornado touched down in Memphis.

So Simon felt the love, mostly from heartwarming back stories. The other judges – Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi – were, as usual, kinder than Simon. Although Randy has turned into a partner in crime. (The genders are pairing up already.)

But I don’t care what “Idol” wants, it’s much more interesting to hear Simon when he’s creatively cutting. Everyone covets his approval because when he doesn’t like you, he POUNDS YOU INTO THE GROUND.

Like this analysis of Chelsea Marquardt’s audition, which opened the Jan. 14 show. This exchange encapsulates the current dynamic of the show.

Simon: “It sounded like a cat jumping off the Empire State Building and the noise it would make if it hit the floor. If that makes sense.”

Randy: “Then as it hit the floor there’s a siren.” (He makes a sound effect.)

Simon: “Does that help?”

Paula: “Take something positive from this experience…”

Simon: “What could be positive?”

Paula: “Well, she hasn’t heard from me or Kara yet.”

Kara: “I wouldn’t say she was a cat. Here’s a positive. You’re a pretty girl. You’re not a good singer, sweetie.”

Paula: “You’re beautiful. I’m sorry you had to hear something harsh.”

Michael Nicewonder -- who is like a cross between a “South Park” character and Kenneth from “30 Rock,” and says he’s related to Hank Williams Jr. -- said even his mom doesn’t think he can sing. That made me nervous. For good reason. He sang two “original songs” that Simon thought might’ve been written for a pet and Paula thought sounded like they were for a girlfriend. But no, they were for his mom and grandmother. Sweet guy, he cried a lot after he was let go. But creepy.

Mia Conley slept through most of the waiting process and when it came time to sing, the best Simon could say was “This isn’t going well, sweetheart.” Which from him is like pillow talk.

She didn’t quite take it that way.

“You guys are wrong and God’s going to make you pay for it!”

When two cheerleaders ran in to warm up the judges for contestant Andrew Lang, Simon looked like he had had about enough.

Simon: “Can I just say no to all three of you? Andrew, it was OK. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Didn’t help having these two as your backup singers and dancers.”

Paula and Kara liked it.

Randy: “I’m going to say yes to Andrew.”

He sings a different song to try to try to convince them all. Instead, it’s worse. Randy changes his vote to no. The cheerleaders are now crying.

Kara: “Honey, you’re just not going to make it in this competition.”

Paula: “Musical theater! You’ll make lots of money.”

The cheerleaders are crying to Ryan about how wonderful Andrew is.

Everyone should have sisters like India and Asia and friends like these cheerleaders. They make me like Kansas (City) too.

Some of the more interesting auditions from Wednesday night in Kansas City.

 Ashley Anderson sings “Footprints in the Sand”

Simon corrects her. She sang Footsteps in the Sand instead of Footprints in the Sand. Simon cut her off. He wrote the song.

Simon: Probably the best song I’ve heard the entire audition season.

Randy: Yes, yes. I like this girl. Yes.

Kara: Yeah, I think you have some chops.

She’s the first to go through (that we see anyway) in Kansas City.

Simon: I like you.

Casey Carlson – she’s a Kansas cutie. Like their own Dorothy. (Except she’s from Minnesota)

“1,000 Miles” by Vanessa Carlton

Simon: I like you.

Paula: I do too. I think you have a nice voice.

Simon: I feel a good vibe from you.

Kara: I see a package here.

Paula: I’d like to give you another chance

Simon: I think that’s a good call. I like you.

I take it they like her.

Brian Hettler sings Aretha Franklin. Not well.

Opera boy – not sure about the chest hair and necklace.

Randy: That as definitely, definitely different,

Simon: From the horrendous outfit, the horrendous singing. Everything was wrong. I hated everything. It was just awful.

Randy: People compare you to Josh Groban?

Brian is ticked. He’s walking out. Simon is asking “Are you disappointed?” Silence. “Are you disappointed?”

He won’t cry on camera. Not like those Glendale babies. (Kidding.)

Screeching girl! Nooooo! Nooooo!!!! She’s doubled over. She’s going to rip a lung out. I take it she didn’t get through.

 Billy Vinson’s little orange mustache.

Simon: Let’s just say goodbye. Sorry.

 Von Smith is a hipster in a tan hat.

“I attempt things that most guys don’t attempt to sing.”

Sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in his own way. I LOVED IT!

This guy has a huge voice. He needs to control it a bit, but that’s fine. He’s definitely cute.

Randy: Actually I thought the vocals were pretty good, man. I was impressed.

Simon: I like you, Von. I bet your family love it when you do that. I have to tell you, you have a good voice, Von.

Paula: I say, absolutely yes.

Kara: I think you have a big instrument. (Hello!) I think you can take a lot of risks because you have those chops.

Four yeses.

Randy: There’s a future for you in Hollywood, hopefully.

Michael Castro, brother of Jason Castro – hippie dreadhead – from last season

He’s more punkish – pink and orange hair. Michael on Jason: “He’s more girlie and I’m more not girlie.”

He just started singing 20 days before the audition. “If Jay can sing, I can sing.”

Sings “In Love With A Girl”

Paula: Not bad, 20 days before.

Simon: It was goodish. Not the best vocals. I can’t really get anything from your voice at the moment. I can never quite tell with you Castros whether you’re really into this or not.

Kara: You’re kind of a ballsy dude. You kind of have a secret vibe about you.

Wow, he got four yeses. His voice is not that strong. Kara says he’s cocky, but she seems to like that. He has a unique look, I’ll give him that. But this is just nepotism.

Crazy guy in yellow. “Do you want to banana? Cuz this banana’s for you!”

Matt Breitzke sings “Ain’t No Sunshine”

Welder/fabricator. Got married had a child, can’t sing for a living.

He doesn’t have the looks of the hot young things, but he has a great voice.

Randy: I think you’re probably a good father, a cool bar singer. Not sure it’s right for this for me.

Kara: I don’t agree with Randy on this. I like you.

Paula: You have natural talent. I like the control of your vibrato.

Simon agrees with the girls – he’s going to Hollywood

Simon: I think you are really, really good. I like your heart. I like your ambition.

Jasmine Joseph butchers “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Let’s just say she’s no Von Smith.

No one says anything. She leaves.

Jessica Furney from “Oz” country. (Not Australia)

Lives with her 93-year-old grandma.

“Crybaby” by Janis Joplin

She sounds like Kelly Clarkson, a little bit anyway.

Simon: I like you. I like you. You stand out. Small town girl. Big dreams. I like that.

Randy: You are a natural.

I think a lot of this is coming down to looks and personal stories. Jessica has the personal story more than the looks, although she’s pretty enough.

Asia and India rapped

“Why you trying to steal my cookie from me while I’m still sittin’ here?”

Then they sing, individually.

Simon: I like this girl (India)

Kara: I think they’re both great and I love the love they have for each other.

India gets in. Poor Asia.

Kara: Everybody needs sisters like that.

Jamar Rogers sings “California Dreamin’” in his own way. I like when people do that. Make it their own.

Paula: You can sing. It just got too loud.

Kara: It was just a little overdone, I think.

Randy: Just a little affected with the faces.

Simon: I thought it was quite good.

Best friend Danny goes in after – they are like brothers.

Music teacher Danny J. Gokey sings “Heard it through the Grapevine.”

Four weeks before the audition his wife, Sophia, passed away. She was born with a heart condition and she had surgery after surgery. “She was my best friend. We never got to say goodbye. I was so close to not trying out because of the grief. … I really believe people through me can see who my wife was.”

Paula: Very, very soulful. … I liked you so much. Didn’t expect it.

Kara: I am a fan of you Danny. I think you’ve got a lot of heart.

Simon: I really like you.

Randy: I think you’re one of the best we’ve seen.

Paula: I agree, I think you’re one of the best we’ve heard.

Anoop Desai – Noop Dog – studies folk lore, undergraduate thesis involved barbecue

Sings “Thank You” by Boyz II Men. I like him!

Paula: I didn’t expect that.

Randy: You had some crazy vocals coming off there. A Noop Dog is in the house.

Kara: I like what you did with the song.

Simon: It’s all a bit geeky at the moment. .. You look like you just came out of a meeting with Bill Gates.

He is kind of preppy. I love this guy!

Asa Barnes is a band director at a middle school. He has a daughter.

Sings “The Way You Make Me Feel”

I like him. Everyone is good in this city.

Simon: I like you, Asa. I didn’t understand why you would do that song like that.

Asa: I like it.

(They all laugh)

Paula: When people sing Michael, usually it’s a disaster. This was definitely not a disaster.

Kara: I like Asa. I do.

Simon: Mainly because of your answer I’m going to say yes.

Michael Nicewonder -- no offense, but he is like the Idiot Boy character Scott Thompson used to play on “Kids in the Hall.” His mother is not supportive. Not even his mother thinks he should be here.

He’s related to Hank Williams Jr.

I’ve been to Grand Island, Neb. No offense to that place either, but I have bad memories.

Simon: Was that written about a pet or something.

Michael: It was supposed to be for my mother.

Sings one for the grandmother.

Sounds like they were written for a girlfriend.

Simon: You should actually go to Hallmark. You could write those Mother’s Day cards.

Kara: You’re true to your name. You’re a nice guy.

Paula: The singing is not right.

Oooh! He’s crying. Now I feel bad for him.

Dennis Brigham sings “With You” – after doing a backflip and telling Simon he dreamed about him last night.

Simon: It was a bit crazy for me. I didn’t get it.

Dennis: This is my dream. Please say yes.

Paula says yes. Dennis pitches to Randy. He tells about how his family flew in. He’ll work so hard.

Randy says yes. Now Dennis turns to Kara. She must’ve said yes, because he has the ticket and jumps up and down for his family. I just love those family moments.

 Mia Conley just sleeps in the waiting room.

Sings “Lovin’ You”

Simon: This isn’t going well sweetheart.

(She keeps singing)

She’s mad. The judges didn’t let her hit the Mariah Carey high notes. So she hits them in the waiting room. Over and over.

“You guys are wrong and God’s going to make you pay for it.”

 Lil Rounds sings “All I Do”

Mom of three. Had a tornado touch down in Memphis. The family vacated. “American Idol is what’s going to help us.”

Kara: I really like you, Lil.

Paula: I love you. I thin you have it going on. One of the best that I’ve heard. Whoever told you to stop dreaming your dream, tell them to kiss your Lil butt.

Simon: I think you are absolutely fantastic. There’s something about you. It’s very retro. Really like of like, classy. Just a singer’s singer.

Randy: A mixture of Fantasia and Mary J. Blige.

Kara: You’re one of the best I’ve seen come through here.