Just to be safe, I didn’t eat breakfast before heading to the Orange County Fair this weekend to review extreme carnival rides.
And I still feel like puking.
Still, I’ve managed to hold it together long enough to review five of my favorites and score each in four categories on a scale of one to five deep fried Twinkies. Yum!
For example, one Twinkie in the “puke factor” category means my stomach could still handle inhaling four more of the deep-fried delights. A five means, well, I puked. In the “g-force factor” category, five Twinkies means riding feels like getting an automatic face lift. I think you get the idea.
I realize my only ride-ranking qualifications are loving to scream and being scared on carnival contraptions. So I’m inviting fellow fair junkies to review the rides and e-mail your ratings to jmuir@ocregister.com.
Evolution
This 70-foot tall contraption swings and suspends you upside down for a total of two minutes. Definitely not for wimps, or people with back problems. My favorite.
• Fear factor: 5
• Fun factor: 5
• Puke factor: 5
• G-force factor: 3
G-Force
A pendulum swings your seat until you’re upside down 70 feet in the air while you’re spinning at 4 Gs. Fun with a caveat: Wish it were longer and wish pictures of half-naked ladies weren’t airbrushed on the ride.
• Fear factor: 2
• Fun factor: 4
• Puke factor: 3
• G-force factor: 5
Mega Drop
Straight up slow and straight down at 70 mph. I loved this one because the ride stays in the sky so long that I wasn’t ready for the drop. So I screamed. Really loud.
• Fear factor: 4
• Fun factor: 4
• Puke factor: 1
• G-force factor: 1
Starship
The best old-school ride ever: spinning at 40 mph in a hot room with loud music. Don’t drink alcohol before riding, though. There’s already a trail of puke stains near the ride’s exit.
• Fear factor: 1
• Fun factor: 4
• Puke factor: 4
• G-force factor: 5
Tango
A mechanical arm twists and spins just slow enough to give you time to wonder whether your chrome-colored shoulder bars could come unhinged as you’re 75 feet in the sky. I was too scared to have fun.
• Fear factor: 5
• Fun factor: 2
• Puke factor: 4
• G-force factor: 1
