18 Funny Ways People Would Spend A Million Dollars If They Couldn’t Spend It On Themselves

    Honestly, here for ducks in fancy tuxedos!

    Earlier today, Reddit user Chameleon777 asked this question: "You're given $1 million, provided you can't spend one cent of it on anything practical (to anyone). If you can spend the money in such a ridiculous way as to make the giver laugh their ass off, you'll get another mil to spend as you please when the first mil is gone. How do you spend your million?"

    A photo of stacks of 100 dollar bills with a calculator with one million on it on top of it

    Since then, the thread has gone viral, as thousands of people began replying with funny ways they would spend the million. Here are some of the top-voted replies:

    1. "I'd hire a bunch of private detectives to spy on each other."

    Spy looking with binoculars through blinds

    2. "I’d probably use it to commission some very fancy outfits for animals. I’m talking about ducks in tuxedos and armadillos dressed for a cotillion."

    u/SmartAlec105

    3. "Make a million-dollar Jell-O lake."

    Axie4life

    4. "Buy all of the old-stock Pogs left in the world and drop them over a major city from a blimp."

    Kids hand holding pogs with more pogs on the ground

    5. "I’d buy an island in Missouri just to make people go, 'Wait, what?'"

    qwertypost2000

    6. "Start a luxury car destruction derby league."

    salmonslippers

    7. "Place ads that play immediately after a news segment — in the middle of the news programming — that is literally just a five-second fart sound."

    Wonthebiggestlottery

    8. "I'd buy a Super Bowl ad and have it RickRoll within the first five seconds of it starting."

    Screen shot of Rick Astley singing into a microphone in his music video for "Never Gonna Give It Up"

    9. "Start a contest giving away $500,000 to anyone who can find where I've buried it. Spend $500,000 on completely misleading clues, a TV crew, and advertising. Build up a ton of hype and then never release the filmed series or announce anything about the winner — who we'd sign to secrecy."

    ChampBlankman

    10. "I would buy those balls that when they’re submerged in water they look invisible — not the super small ones, like the size of a baseball — then go around to as many swimming pools as I could with the amount I have and fill them."

    SportsPhotoGirl

    11. "I'll just give a million to John Mulaney for a private stand-up special."

    A photo of John Mulaney during his SNL opener

    12. "I would buy as many Priuses as possible and install aggressively driving AI software into them. I would then pit them against each other gladiator style. The last Prius standing gets modified with the parts of its defeated enemies. Then I will throw it into a silver mold and make a statue."

    Norman_Scum

    13. "I'd get a hot air balloon stuffed with $1 million worth of glitter and then release it over a city."

    twolinebadadvice

    14. "A set of horse rugs in the theme of human costume onesies. So one that's like a bunny suit, one that's like a dragon, one that's like a koala, one like a panda, and so on."

    HavePlushieWillTalk

    15. "The most insane cat things money can buy. A kitty jungle gym, catio, water features for them to drink from, huge shelves all across the walls, and maybe a fish tank they can watch."

    A cat in a large outdoor cat jungle gym

    16. "Pay a famous band to play an entire three-hour concert to a huge 10,000 seat empty theater, with no recording devices. Also, put about 30 ducks in there too, that will just flap around. Then sit in the theater while they play with headphones on, listening to a rival band while playing Smash Brothers on a big screen projected in front of them."

    MrFunsocks1

    17. "I'd hire a large cast of believable Brad Pitt impersonators dressed as Tyler Durden whose only job is to show up everywhere Edward Norton goes for a month, along with a photographer to capture his reactions."

    A photo of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton from Fight Club

    18. And lastly, "I'd give a T-shirt maker a million to make a T-shirt that said: "I gave a guy $1 million and all I got was this stupid T-shirt."

    ksobby

    You can read the full thread of responses on Reddit.

    Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.