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Conversations With A Pedophile: In the Interest of Our Children Paperback – August 7, 2013

by Amy Hammel-Zabin (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 112 ratings
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Conversations With a Pedophile is a landmark book: it is the first time the uncensored voice of a pedophile can be heard. Presented are a series of letters spanning a decade written by sex offender “Alan” to author Dr. Amy Hammel-Zabin, a therapist in the prison where he was incarcerated. Confessing that he had sexually abused more than one thousand boys, his first-hand stories are a compelling argument that the danger of the pedophile does not lurk mysteriously in the dark; rather, it is a very real threat in your neighborhood. Throughout the book, Dr. Hammel-Zabin offers her own expert analysis of Alan’s letters. As both a trained therapist and a victim of childhood sexual abuse herself, she is uniquely qualified to articulate the development, maintenance and sorrowful impacts of pedophilia. It is in the interest of our children that we listen so that we can better understand and prevent this horrendous crime.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    238 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Barricade Books
  4. Publication date
    August 7, 2013
  5. Dimensions
    5.53 x 0.54 x 8.27 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1569804419
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1569804414
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

• “This is an extraordinarily important book. It is also a terrifying one…an intimate look at the psychology of abuse from the perspectives of both the perpetrator and the victim...” —Stewart Gabel, MD, Former Chairman of Dept of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Children’s Hospital, Denver, CO
• “This text provides valuable insights into the thought processes of a man with pedophilia...can help parents to better protect their children...” —Fred S. Berlin, Director of Nat’l Institute for the Study, Prevention and Treatment of Sexual Trauma
• “The story reveals a compelling journey with many profound messages for parents and children protection advocate...”—Gail Ryan, Director of Kempe Perpetration Prevention Program

About the Author

Dr. Amy Hammel-Zabin gained her Bachelor's Degree in Music Therapy at West Texas University, her Master's at Florida State University and her Doctoral degree at New York University. She is the founder and director of The Music Therapy Center of Greenwich and serves on the faculty for the graduate Music Therapy program at NYU.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Barricade Books (August 7, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 238 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1569804419
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1569804414
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.53 x 0.54 x 8.27 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 112 ratings

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Amy Hammel-Zabin

Amy Hammel-Zabin

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
112 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Susan Berenzweig
5.0 out of 5 stars A groundbreaking and shockingly truthful perspective
Reviewed in the United States on November 8, 2003
Verified Purchase
A chilling and sobering look into the mind of a pedophile. This book is written from the perspective of his therapist who found a way to understand him through his music. Thankfully, the therapy was conducted in prison (life sentence, no parole). In addition, this pedophile, "Alan", maintained a self-confessional correspondence with his therapist for many years. This book presents his story along with edited commentary on his poignant attempt to expiate guilt by revealing details of technique and psychodynamics.

What saves this from being frightening and sadistic voyereuism is that the author adds the vulnerable, human voice of the (recovered) victim to the story. In a brave and brilliant parallel narrative, she also describes the horrific experiences of a victim of child sexual abuse, and the ways these experiences can be played out for years following the initial events.
The book is an offering of hope and strength. With the insights from Dr. Hammel-Zabin, we gain awareness of protective and healing strategies for our children and the community at large. The book provides timely advice in today's world to anyone who worries about the victimization of children.
14 people found this helpful
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Sean Clancy
4.0 out of 5 stars Listen to your kids
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2022
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If there is one thing to takeaway from this book it is to listen and have open communication with your children. The pedophiles best weapon is secrecy, and if they know your kid can talk to you about anything, then they are less likely to try and abuse your child.
2 people found this helpful
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A. Student
5.0 out of 5 stars Got kids? Read this book!
Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2005
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Be warned! This book is as profoundly disturbing as its subject! That being said, it provides critical information that parents and caregivers need to know to keep their children and charges from becoming another statistic. The pederast who provides the "real life" information for this book was able to rape (repeatedly) over 1,000 prepubescent boys and was only discovered because a mother found a picture of her son in a sexually explicit pose -- none of the victims ever reported their rape. Dr. Hammel-Zabin does a great service in discovering and describing, using the pederast's own words, how this could have happened, the tactics used to control the victims, and, most importantly, what needs to be done IN THE HOME and community to counter these tactics. Reading this book will disgust you and likely cost you some sleep but you will gain a deep insight into how such things happen and, more importantly, be prepared to help keep it from happening again.
21 people found this helpful
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Anna and mike
5.0 out of 5 stars A memoir worth reading - not for the faint of heart
Reviewed in the United States on September 11, 2020
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This is a wonderful book. It’s hard to put into words just how important it is for stories like this to be shared in order to help others who may be in his same position, or on the same track. This books allows for a better understanding of an ostracized group of people - a group of people that needs psychological help and tools for PREVENTING harmful acts against children.

In order to prevent people from hurting our children, we need to have a better understanding of them, and they need to have a better understanding of themselves.
2 people found this helpful
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Cheyenne
3.0 out of 5 stars This is a hard read....
Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2016
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As a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt like I needed to read this book in hopes to find a way to protect my future children and my nieces and nephews... I agree with some of what is in this book. I agree that we need to find better therapy options for those who are likely to become sex offenders and for those who suffer from The abuse.i also agreed with the fact that We need to have an open communication with our children so they are not afraid to let us in on their secrets and lives. So, they do not put their trust into a master manipulator. We as concerned adults need to put our trust in them so they feel that they can do the same. I do wish there were better options for those who feel like they may commit a crime like this, to seek and receive help before they commit the crime. If we can prevent sexual molestation we should figure out an appropriate way to do so.

The pedophile 'Allen' in this book does his best to make a case for 'repeat' offenders and using 'Megan's law' and the 'triple strike' as an example. He states that because these offenders are stigmatized in society, along with suffering from rape and brutalized in prison, They are more likely to come out and reoffend, then murder on top of it to cover up their crime, therefore he thinks 'Megan's law, along with the tripe strike.' Are a little too much punishment. Because if these men did not fear these laws they probably would reoffend but less likely to murder the child on top of it for fear of punishment and imprisonment. Because, these men are also victims to one extant or another; by their parents , society, failed therapy, other prisoners, pretty much the rest of the world failed them....This REALLY bothered me. It was like a slap in the face. To me, he is pretty much stating that we might as well let these men reoffend without harsh threat of ' forever' punishment because at least they are less likely to murder their victim. In the end the world didn't offer these men the option of 'not' offending anyway. It's like damn Allen! Quit making excuses! You always had the option to seek help! I watched a documentary on youtube recently about a man who did just that! He knew he had the potential to commit this crime. He also knew it was hard and knew the stigma that came with it but he has enough EMPATHY for the children within himself to seek therapy before he committed such a crime. ( he e I wish more pedophiles would be selfless enough to do so.

In the end this book and the ending is disheartening.
2 people found this helpful
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Ebony St. Pierre
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for Parents.
Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2022
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Must read for any Parent out there! Informative and detailed, terribly sad but enlightening. I'm glad to have read it and will recommend it to others.
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Kindle Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty great intro to the subject
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2021
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There were quite a lot of obvious typos which made me question the care with which things were researched and written. There were quite a lot of great points about the pedophilic process and how we can take preventative measures. However, I sometimes felt like the core elements were too repetitive and padded.
One person found this helpful
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Kay
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended
Reviewed in the United States on September 27, 2015
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Chilling, refreshing and most insightful. This book offers perspectives that no other books can offer; Alan X -the pedophile criminal-patient- and Dr Zabin, a therapist and a survivor converse about first hand experience regarding sexual abuse of a child. Most people cannot conceive how a person can harm a child in most horrific way. Alan offers his state of mind and justifications that were entrenched while he was committing the crimes. Dr. Zabin tells how a trauma that one cannot even recall affects a survivor and how one learns to thrive despite their past. Highly recommended
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Kirste Roche
5.0 out of 5 stars An incredible, unique and extremely important book
Reviewed in Canada on May 10, 2020
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This book is unlike anything I've ever read. It should be mandatory reading for parents, teachers, church leaders and mental health professionals.
The book is a unique look at the thoughts and processes of a pedophile, Alan (currently spending life in prison), who has undergone many years of therapy. In the book, he describes quite eloquently the various methods and tactics utilized by pedophiles when choosing, grooming and abusing children. Although it is quite difficult to read at times, the value of this information can not be understated, especially for those of us working with children or who are raising children of our own.
It is easy for most of us to shun this kind of information, to allow our intense emotional responses the material to shut us down. It is much easier to avoid thinking about subject matter such as this. But, as is mentioned throughout this book numerous times, it is exactly that type of emotional response and behaviour that allows child abusers to go undetected. If we don't know what we're looking for because we don't want to think or hear about child sexual abuse, it is easy for abusers to fly under the radar for many years, sometimes even for entire lifetimes.
The main author, Amy, who worked with Alan in the prison system, also gives an important account from the perspective of someone who experienced childhood sexual abuse. Given her training as a music therapist, she is also able to relay the mindset of a child while they are being abused and their mindset many years down the line. What she has to say is poignant and often practical. She really makes you think.
I found this book fascinating and, as someone currently undergoing an education to work in mental health, an extremely useful tool. The following points were particularly helpful for me:

1. That some pedophiles seek help from mental health providers but are never asked about sexuality, and the effect that has on a patient's ability to truly let the healthcare provider know what is the real reason for them seeking help. Asking patients about sexuality can be very important in helping us to provide support for pedophiles BEFORE they begin abusing children
2. That the author, as a therapist, receives accolades for her work with almost any other type of patient, but is met with silence when she informs anyone of her work with sexual offenders (because society is so horrified by the idea of pedophilia that even the mere thought of it drives people to shut down immediately)
3. That although an estimated 25%+ of kids are sexually abused, there is a shame and silence that victims/survivors experience that do not allow them to share this with anyone, even their loved ones, because they often think they are the only ones who have gone through it

Can't recommend this book enough.
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Robert
5.0 out of 5 stars Chilling,nausea inducing, frightening and it's all happening right now
Reviewed in Canada on February 26, 2021
Verified Purchase
As a member of the law enforcement community and coach to my children's sports teams this book didn't reveal anything I didn't already know however I am convinced that this should be required reading for all leaders of any sports federation, every single human resources manager, anyone in charge of hiring, every single teacher, coach, social worker, police officer, daycare worker, basically EVERYONE!
The concluding words left me shaking and sent shivers up and down my spine. And I am a seasoned law enforcement veteran who is not easily shocked nor phased.
Do yourselves a favor and buy this book. Study it. Engage in conversations with your children. You won't look at the world or even your neighborhood the same ever again.
One person found this helpful
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