Penis Gourd

I took my advanced open water course in Koh Tao in Thailand in 1995. Afterwards I stayed with the dive school for a few more dives. It was during this time that I met Martin. He was a German geologist who worked for the dive school as a dive master. He had previously worked as part of an environmental rescue team in the Himalayas, creating nurseries for trees and teaching the local people where and how to plant them in areas suffering from soil erosion. His colleague in this endeavour was a Swiss anthropologist and this is his story. I do not know his name but I am certain that this is a true story. I shall call him ‘Chris’ so the narrative is unencumbered with ‘the Swiss guy’ every few lines. This name is the only thing I have changed about the story.

Chris was immersed in a long term study of a tribe in Papua New Guinea. He had been living in the village for almost a year and despite the playful innocence of the people’s lives, he was gradually becoming more and more depressed.

The villagers could not understand. Almost stone-age in lifestyle, they had few possessions and the abundance of nature underwrote a rich and happy lifestyle. The only ‘clothes’ were worn by the men and this consisted of a long, hollow gourd encompassing their penis’. These were (and still are) around 30cm to 50cm in length and elaborately tied so they point upwards in a proud stance.

The villagers did not understand depression and were becoming worried about the sick spirit of their new friend.

One day, Chris took a walk into the forest, he himself wearing only a penis sheath. He knew that he was upsetting his new friends and he could see no other way to proceed but leave his partially completed research and return to Europe.

Whilst he was following a forest trail he came across one of the village men who was returning from the hunt. Whilst he had been away the villager had broken his penis sheath. In order to protect his ‘modesty’, he had inserted a large flower into the end.

Chris was unable to contain his amusement and burst forth in gales of laughter. The villager laughed too, encouraged by his friend’s upturn in mood and Chris walked away considerably lightened.

When he returned from his walk he was amazed to find that every man in the village had broken off the end of his penis gourd and every one was sporting a large flower !

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